Learn to "Flip The Script" on Narcissists, Bullies and Other Difficult People
Narcissists and other difficult people look at the world differently than you and me. They are looking for loads of attention. Also, narcissists are often looking for your tender spots so they can use the information against you later. You can flip these and other "scripts" on them, and then gracefully deal with the relationship.
Hello, I'm Dr. Kevin Polk
I'm the author of two books about the "Matrix" diagram. I developed this layout to help people like you more clearly see themselves. It can also help you get a read on the actions of others (like narcissists).
The Matrix is used around the world in a variety of settings. Therapists and coaches use it to help people be the best of themselves.; medical doctors use it to help motivate; business leaders use to manage teams. Even people doing humanitarian work in Afghanistan use it.
Using the Matrix to Deal with a Narcissist
If you can, avoid the narcissist in the first place. If you can't, see below.
Noticing Your Own Matrix
You naturally notice who's important to you, both yourself and others. You cooperate with others (lower right). It's natural for you to see threats to you and others. You feel fear and more when threatened (lower left). Your first defense is to avoid the danger. If you can't, you might strategically give in, or argue (fight) with the threat (upper left). You seek appropriate praise from others. You give praise and have interest in others. You build others up. You are a true friend and ally to those who are important to you (upper right).
The Narcissist's Matrix
Narcissists are only interested in the self. They seek to have Power and Control over you. Narcissists have an extreme fear of losing their sense of self. In other words, they have a very fragile ego. When the self is threatened, they get angry instead of being afraid. They can quickly escalate to Narcissistic Rage. Narcissists notice weaknesses in you. To a narcissist, a good offense is always better than any defense. So they see weaknesses and exploit them. If angered, they will manipulate, humiliate and even destroy you. They seek a lot of praise. They will show fake interest in you to find out your vulnerabilities. They seed doubt in your perception of reality. They fake being your ally.
Noticing Narcissism
"Flip the Script" on the narcissist by being curious about the narcissism. Notice the inflated sense of self. Notice how the narcissist is always looking for vulnerabilities. Notice your own gut feeling that tells you something is amiss. Get curious about that feeling in your gut. It's telling you something. Once you determine your dealing with a narcissist, then AVOID if you can. If you can't, then quietly keep a distance (so you don't anger them). You can be nice, but give only superficial information about yourself. It's best to confide in a true friend about what you are up against so they can help you monitor how you are doing.
"Many of us get very uncomfortable when we know we have to deal with difficult people like narcissists. Even professionals may begin to engage in "away" moves. Today, during our call Kevin showed us how to get unstuck and move toward dealing with narcissists and other difficult people. At the end of our call, the confidence was particularly evident, especially in our closing comments when some of us described the call as "What great fun playing in our sandbox." "Wow! what an amazing meeting we just had!" "Great people collaborating to make the world a better place."
